I can't explain when or why 'Online Dating' became taboo, but it makes me scratch my head. Yes, your mother thinks it's just an episode of 20/20 or Dateline waiting to happen...but everyone else who feels it's socially unacceptable seem to glow of slight misunderstanding and maybe even hypocrisy. I'll explain...
Let's pretend you're 20 minutes into an Online Date....identity (and profile pictures) is confirmed. Conversation is flowing. You're enjoying yourself, but even if you're not, it's irrelevant. At that moment you can check the 'identity' box, does it really honestly matter where you 2 met? Once you're over the first date anxiety and onto drink #2, you could have met anywhere: the bar, Wal-Mart, Online Dating, or your grandfather could have hit him with the car. Again, does it matter? Great first dates and dud first dates happen every day-it's just a part of dating. You can't blame the Internet...all it did was introduce you two.
What's next? Oh, yes: "There are too many freaks and crazy people online." As my mind starts to rebuttal, it quickly drifts to my daily Facebook feed. Everyday I get to read about all the horrible break-ups, drama queen sob stories, stalkers, and the people who keep running back to their train wreck relationships. So, yes, there are some crazies on the Internet, but the rebuttal remains in the fact that those people also live offline...and lots of them are downtown roaming the streets ready to meet you at any moment. Conclusion: Crazy people are everywhere, and your screening processes and filters need to operate everywhere.
Where does the hypocrisy come into this? Consider the bar scene downtown on any given Saturday. You've watched you and your friends flirt...then 'hook-up'.... and then go home with a guy (or girl) who you've known for 2 hours over 6 beers, 3 shot of Fireball, and loud music. You can't (in sound mind) support this pro-STD debauchery and then suddenly challenge the safety of the Internet. Sure we could also talk about privacy issues, but how come you've never questioned handing your credit card to a stranger (waiter) at a restaurant as you watch them disappear for 10 minutes.
If nothing else, the Internet helps your pre-screening process. When you're talking to a brand new 'option' at a bar, you're usually starting from ground zero with absolutely no background information (which the author admits can be fun sometimes). However, an Online Dating profile and ritualistic communication at least allows you to filter some basic hobbies, interests, and career information. So for your average dating experience, would you rather your starting point be nothing? or would knowing some personalized commonalities create an efficient world? Ever talk to someone for an hour before you realized she was a smoker? He was an atheist? She hates hiking? He'd be allergic to all your cats?
So what's the final conclusion? The most successful online daters are the ones who use Match.com and the likes as just another way to meet people. It's not used as the end-all-be-all of dating. It doesn't consume them. They don't dwell on Match.com email replies (or lack thereof). Most importantly: they are smart about it, and they don't compromise their own standards for safety. Here are 3 basic tips for your Online Dating pursuits:
For Women
1. Never meet at your house, his house, or in a secluded area for the first time.
2. Use the transgression of email to phone, and then phone to 'in-person.' Feel completely comfortable before moving up the ladder.
3. Never be talked out of your comfort zone and trust your instincts.
For Men
1. Put some thought, time, and effort into your profile and emails.
2. Be stewards of grammar.
3. Let your communication reflect that you've read her profile.
Happy Hunting,
~Coach Jake
P.S. Ask me how the ABC's of Online Chatting & Dating and other Online Dating tips can boost your success immediately.
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