Thursday, December 11, 2014

Tinder Love and Care

"I'm certain I'll find my soulmate in the questionable and seedy world of online dating." ~SomeEcards

When I hear people rattle off their Tinder dating (I use dating loosely...pun intended) stories, my mind instantly shifts to the Law and Order: SVU episode that deals with "Anonymous Quickie"...a make-believe phone app that promotes exactly what its name says. Only in that episode, the main culprit had HIV and didn't bother telling anyone. That wasn't intended to scare you from Tinder, but if you're not quite familiar...Tinder seems to have this reputation that rests in the middle ground between Match.com and AdultFriendFinder.com.


So when I got asked to write a blog about Tinder, I grinned and shook my head. Not because I would discourage you from using it or because it has a  'hook-up' vibe to it...but because of the naivety in which some people use it.

First, I had no choice but to hit the pavement and summon Nashville's finest to get their thoughts. They delivered as always, and here's a quick summary.

TINDER PRO's
  • Easy to use and free
  • Profiles featured are generally more attractive than regular online dating
  • Reveals mutual friends so you can do your homework
  • Reciprocal swipes ensure matches are mutual so there's no unwanted communication
TINDER CON's -or- SWING POINTS TO CONSIDER (can swing either way depending on where you sit)
  • Many people 'drunk' Tinder (ie, incoherence, lost conversations)
  • "The quickest way to chlamydia I know."
  • Large percentage of people who just want to 'hook-up'
  • 90% of interaction is based on appearance and maybe a clever headline
  • The app is location based, which lends itself to out-of-towners
  • Swipes can get out-of-control
Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of 2 dating themes: 1. There truly is an app or website for everything. And 2. Freaks are everywhere, so let's not pretend unwholesome people are only online. I'm always humored by that person whose ignorance stereotypes online dating: "I'm never using match.com again! That guy was not who he said he was." Really? so the guy you met 6 months ago at a bar who you took home that night and who ended up living with his parents- how did that go? Was that a disingenuous bar?

Bad dating arrangements are found anywhere you're willing to look.

Have you ever wondered why people don't have the same standards and filters for people no matter how and where you met them? If safety comes first, it wouldn't matter where you met them...whether it be Tinder...at the gas station....Match.com....or if grandpa hit him or her with the car.

So protect yourself by not lowering your standards to meet at someone's house...or by not hooking up out of convenience...or by compromising one of your values 'just because.'

After your safety comes the most important key to dating you'll ever hear: if online dating (or any dating) is going to be successful for you, your goals have to be synchronized with whomever you meet. But that's also the parallel (that people refuse to see) with meeting someone 'offline'. If a mere hook-up is acceptable, then your options are obviously greater. If something long-term and concrete is more your style, then swiping through pics-and-catchy-headline on Tinder, probably isn't your right forum. Where you fish is just as important as the fish you choose to keep.

Convenience doesn't mean quality, and you might have to separate the two. Gas station hot dogs and donuts are pretty convenient, quick, and easy...but you probably wouldn't take them home to mom.

Until next time,
Coach Jake

P.S. Ask me how MaximalMe.com Life Coaching can help you make smarter dating choices.