Tinder Love and Care

"I'm certain I'll find my soulmate in the questionable and seedy world of online dating." ~SomeEcards

When I hear people rattle off their Tinder dating (I use dating loosely...pun intended) stories, my mind instantly shifts to the Law and Order: SVU episode that deals with "Anonymous Quickie"...a make-believe phone app that promotes exactly what its name says. Only in that episode, the main culprit had HIV and didn't bother telling anyone. That wasn't intended to scare you from Tinder, but if you're not quite familiar...Tinder seems to have this reputation that rests in the middle ground between Match.com and AdultFriendFinder.com.


So when I got asked to write a blog about Tinder, I grinned and shook my head. Not because I would discourage you from using it or because it has a  'hook-up' vibe to it...but because of the naivety in which some people use it.

First, I had no choice but to hit the pavement and summon Nashville's finest to get their thoughts. They delivered as always, and here's a quick summary.

TINDER PRO's

• Easy to use and free
• Profiles featured are generally more attractive than regular online dating
• Reveals mutual friends so you can do your homework
• Reciprocal swipes ensure matches are mutual so there's no unwanted communication

TINDER CON's -or- SWING POINTS TO CONSIDER (can swing either way depending on where you sit)

• Many people 'drunk' Tinder (ie, incoherence, lost conversations)
• "The quickest way to chlamydia I know."
• Large percentage of people who just want to 'hook-up'
• 90% of interaction is based on appearance and maybe a clever headline
• The app is location based, which lends itself to out-of-towners
• Swipes can get out-of-control

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of 2 dating themes: 1. There truly is an app or website for everything. And 2. Freaks are everywhere, so let's not pretend unwholesome people are only online. I'm always humored by that person whose ignorance stereotypes online dating: "I'm never using match.com again! That guy was not who he said he was." Really? so the guy you met 6 months ago at a bar who you took home that night and who ended up living with his parents- how did that go? Was that a disingenuous bar?

Bad dating arrangements are found anywhere you're willing to look.

Have you ever wondered why people don't have the same standards and filters for people no matter how and where you met them? If safety comes first, it wouldn't matter where you met them...whether it be Tinder...at the gas station....Match.com....or if grandpa hit him or her with the car.

So protect yourself by not lowering your standards to meet at someone's house...or by not hooking up out of convenience...or by compromising one of your values 'just because.'

After your safety comes the most important key to dating you'll ever hear: if online dating (or any dating) is going to be successful for you, your goals have to be synchronized with whomever you meet. But that's also the parallel (that people refuse to see) with meeting someone 'offline'. If a mere hook-up is acceptable, then your options are obviously greater. If something long-term and concrete is more your style, then swiping through pics-and-catchy-headline on Tinder, probably isn't your right forum. Where you fish is just as important as the fish you choose to keep.

Convenience doesn't mean quality, and you might have to separate the two. Gas station hot dogs and donuts are pretty convenient, quick, and easy...but you probably wouldn't take them home to mom.

Until next time,
Coach Jake

P.S. Ask me how MaximalMe.com Life Coaching can help you make smarter dating choices.

In the Nick of Time Management

How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did i get so late so soon? ~ Dr. Seuss

Every week I talk to managers and supervisors who often comment (complain) about the skill-sets (and lack thereof) of their employees. It appears there are 2 skills that a majority of people mistakenly feel are their own competencies: Customer Service and Time Management. And ultimately, they aren't very good at either.

Customer Service embodies the art of the customer always being right, which sounds simple at face value...up until it's time to actually act and communicate as if the customer's ignorance or attitude is indeed actually right. That is moment where true customer service is tested.

Then there's Time Management...the world where organization, scheduling, and balance make a baby called productivity.  If your Time Management skills are weak, then first start take a long, hard look your system that does the managing. Outlook? Google Calendar? Cell phone app? Day Planner? a scribbled on napkin?All are good choices if you're just starting out, but I'd go with a coaster in lieu of a napkin. Your first key is to use your system for everything- both professional and personal- so you get in the habit of solid, comprehensive planning. That is, you'll make Time Management second nature.

If you're feeling pretty good about your Time Management skills, then I'm about to grant you 3 intangibles for which mastery will further increase your profile.


Foresight. Anybody can plan out the next 5 working days. Let's upgrade. Have your thoughts scroll through a series of timelines...2 weeks...1 month...3 months...6 months...and asked yourself the detail-oriented questions for each event on the calendar: Do I need to book a conference room? Have all the stakeholders been invited? What is the budget? What are the traveling and logistics challenges? 

By asking the critical questions for each interval, you essentially just raised your own stock:You elevated the game from simple Time Management to anointed Project Manager. By mastering the details early and often, you begin to look like a planning genius to your colleagues. Your reward? Impressing the masses as they think, 'wow, he thought of everything.'

Valuing the time of others. Have you ever scheduled a meeting for a small group, say 8 to 12 people, and 2 people were no-shows and 2 others were 10-15 minutes late? You awkwardly sit there forcing conversations while those 4 members didn't even bother to confirm presence nor tardiness. Now, yes, I concur that we must acknowledge that $hit happens and schedules often conflict. But if others are depending on your presence, feedback, and contributions, then bare-bones human decency asks that you keep the group or team leader aware of your attendance. Valuing the time and schedules of others is about respect. If your punctuality and presence isn't noticed by your colleagues or stakeholders, or even your friends, why should they respect your time?

Continual Re-prioritization. True masters of Time Management have figured out that your priorities at 9:00 am on Tuesday, may be drastically different than those at 2:30 pm on that same Tuesday. Sometimes you'll have to have your head on a swivel...and when you least expect it, the present task will change as you balance the critical needs of today with the deadlines for the next week. You can also consult your Circle of Concern vs. Influence to focus on the areas where you have direct control. Evaluate early and often, and don't be afraid to consult superiors for guidance.

Keep your schedule fresh in your head, value others' schedules, and use your gift of foresight to become a master of balancing and reshuffling. And thus, your 3 new concepts all come together.

Time Management can be an art...a lifestyle. If you're willing to embrace even the basic concepts, you can start streamlining all aspects of your life, and, in in turn, maximizing every single day.


~Coach Jake

P.S. Ask me how www.MaximalMe.com Life Coaching programs are centered around Time Management.

Smile, For the Selfie

I've read about 202 articles that scientifically link the act of taking a Selfie (the act of snapping a cell phone picture of yourself) to Narcissism (the act falling in love with yourself). And I have to say- I'm starting to believe every one of them. Throw in 4 lbs of Entitlement, and you'll have the instant recipe for Generation Y Soup. Social Media could post some sort of alert or Selfie decoder legend in the corner. One Selfie a week: Acceptable. 2-3x a week: Warning, watch for falling rocks. 4-10x a week...Attention Starved will be tattooed right on your forehead.

The aforementioned articles cite the need for approval...Looking for social comfort...Needing reassurance...It's a scream for a reply. In the 90's we didn't have Social Media, but we were quick to point out the kid in class who was constantly looking for attention. We didn't have a way to 'like' his behavior, so we probably just faciliated a path to him or her becoming an outcast. The irony rests in whether or not you're one of those people who clicks 'like' every time the hot girl posts a Selfie.

However, my concerns with Social Media extend far beyond Selfies. I'm baffled by how people who take an excessive amount of Selfies, who take pictures of their lunches, and who post their drama online, can't figure out why the Internet can't stand people who take an excessive amount of Selfies, who take pictures of their lunches, and who post their drama online. Follow me?

And then I met Reed. Reed was my server for lunch one day. Upon witnessing her take a Selfie at the bar, I took a snide jab when she returned to my table. She admitted it was childish and called it 'high school,' but it was what she said next that caught me off guard: "I'm just having a bad day and needed something to cheer me up."

Well, damn. That's hard to argue.

So here I sit...stuck in a dilemma. Now instead of instantly judging your Selfie, I first want to know why you took it. From there, the Internet can collectively judge you on different levels.

The ultimate truth is that each one of you probably has slightly different reasons for your pics. But let's not kid ourselves and say that attention isn't one of them. If you're on a fabulous hike or vacation and want to show your face with a scenic landscape in the background...is the world's reaction to that photo supposed to be different to one of just you in front of your bathroom sink with a duck face and flashing deuces?  The answer to that riddle is yes, but the foundation for both pics is still the same: you wanted others to see it. That's approval. That's attention.

What people have yet to come to grips with is this: You will be judged on WHATEVER you post to your social media. You can't air your relationship drama or have daily political rants or be a constant Debbie Downer or post frequent pics of the drunken you, and expect people not to judge you on some level.

That begs the question: What does your Social Media say about you? Are you making people's lives better? Are your posts encourging and painting you in a motivated light? or are you putting up hourly posts that bring absolutely nothing (except drama, narrow opinions, and your bathroom sink) to the table? Or is everything online just up there so people notice and give you attention and a pat on the back? You'll have to answer that...because your friends already have.


Ulimately, I will put my PB&J sandwich up against your edamame and gourmet sandwich anyday of the week. I'm just not going to show everyone. But, if you're in a happy moment and need to post a picture...go with it. Happiness, innovation, and positive energy can be contagious, and if you're uplifting to at least one person, then maybe it's worth it. However, if you're at the gym: nobody cares, but hey, post that mirror Selfie like you own the next Olympics.

Happy Social Media-ing,
~Coach Jake


P.S. Ask me how Maximal Me Life Coaching can give your life the structure and change you need to boost your confidence to new heights.

Blame it on the Name

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." ~Juliet Capulet

August 1995. I stood in a long line with 1,200 other college freshmen. This line led to one prestigious event: Meet the President...a Friday tradition during the opening weekend at my school. There we waited, a bunch of anxious 18 year olds who would change their majors an average of 1.5 times, to shake hands with the most powerful person in charge of our education.

I wish now I would have had a better line as I approached Dr. Angelo Volpe, but "Hey, I'm Jake, from Centerville, TN," was all I could muster up. "Welcome to Tennessee Tech, I'm President Volpe." He was short, happy, and charismatic. "I hope you have a great 1st weekend here," as he sent me off.

And that was that. No climax whatsoever...Until 2 days later at church. Out of all the pews in the church, Dr. Volpe and his wife chose mine to slide into. I get to pray with the President! (or some other naive freshman thought). Only what came next was an impressionable shocker:

Dr. Volpe slid down the pew next to me, made eye contact with me, and said, "Oh, good morning, Jake."

Wow. Just wow. Now I'd like to pretend I'm that memorable. And I'd also like to disregard the theory that maybe he had a photographic memory. Regardless, at the end of the day of meeting over 1,000 students and welcoming back all the faculty, he simply remembered my name.

Thus, the lessons of the day will start there. Your life will have several introductions. Some professional. Some social. Others in passing that you'll only see again by chance, but you'll inevitably see a lot of those people again. And when you're shaking hands for the second time, it can go as hey, what was your name again? (repetitive and backtracking), or hey, Jake! (perhaps having an impressionable WOW factor).

How about some tips?

1. For 15 seconds, focus all of your attention on the introduction. A common reason for forgetting names is having your attention split between 10 different things in the room.

2. Repeat, and repeat again. Say the name silently to yourself. Upgrade this step by repeating the name out loud with, "Nice to meet you, Jake."

3. Association. Associate the person with the moment, the atmosphere, or a unique activity. Maybe his or her job, or an alcoholic beverage in his hand, or something quirky like a accent or tone.

4. Drive it home. Practice one last staple for your memory. Ask something about the name. Think of a quick celebrity look-alike. Maybe spell it out or use a question such as, "Do you spell that with an e or an a?"

5. If your memory is really, really bad, you can always write it down or quickly text yourself with some notes. This step works especially well in networking situations where you're meeting several people who are all worth remembering.

Bonus Emergency Tip:  Uh Oh! you forgot a name again. Why not introduce that person to close acquaintances: "...and this my cousin, Jason."  You'll grease the wheels to a re-introduction and everyone wins.

Your road to success will have countless introductions. How you process the information just might factor into your success...so make it a WOW factor. You're not only showing someone they were worth remembering, you're broadcasting your networking, social, negotiation skillset. Pretty powerful for just a simple little name.

Romeo and Juliet wanted to forget their names...you need to value remembering them.

~Coach Jake

P.S. Ask me how Maximal Me and www.MaximalMe.com programs can revamp you're entire Professional Profile.

The Screaming Red Flags of Dating

"You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you-you-you-you-you-you-you....I wanna talk about me!" ~Toby Keith, I Wanna Talk About Me

Imagine if you will....You're 8 months into a relationship. There you sit, comfortably enjoying a meal at a restaurant, when all of the sudden your date [insert one of the following that makes you cringe: has a conversation with his/her mouth full of food; makes a racist/intolerant comment; lights up a cigarette; curses the server over a mistake; burps with no 'excuse me'; downplays your thoughts or opinions.]

Now your seat is less comfortable. Your toes are curling. Your blood is boiling. You're halfway to offended. But then reality slaps you across the face as you have a flashback to the 2nd and 3rd and 4th dates....

You realize the person sitting across from you has been committing these crimes (well, in your eyes anyway) for months now. He/she didn't hide anything! It was right in front of your eyes, and you witnessed every single event. The disgust you're feeling right now can ultimately be traced back to ignoring the warning signs 8 months ago.


The most important question might be 'Why?' but let's expand that a bit:  Why do we turn our heads to the red flags? Is the behavior just a cute quirk in the initial courting stage? If our guards are higher in the beginning, why are our filters lower? Why are they 'red' flags? Red is the symbol for fire and love. They should be 'orange'...the international symbol for caution and hazardous waste.

Ah, yes. I know some of you in the audience have your hand in the air; silently screaming to make a counter-point to the premise thus far. Let me ease your anxiety: Yes, some of these Red Flag behaviors don't even come out until month 3 or 4. A deception beast that's been biting its tongue for months...just waiting for the comfort zone to kick in...kind of like farting in front of a new partner: Once you do it the first time, it automatically becomes socially acceptable all the time.

Every dating duo, whether they become exclusive or not, reaches a point-of-no-return for comfort and behavior. That line in the sand is like discovering the truth about Santa: Most of us can't remember the exact moment, we just know it happened at some point. Seeing as these behaviors can be critical to your happiness, it's time to start paying attention to the line in the sand. Once the true colors are out, they are most likely not going anywhere.

In either case, your actions (or reactions) are really the only thing that counts. Controversial and offensive behaviors are called Red Flags for a reason. Your partner sees them as normal. Your moral standards sees them as ugly. Turning your head would seem to be an act of lowering your standards. So just how low can you go?

But I'd like to help with the power of synergy. I summoned 10 of Nashville's finest, and I asked them: What are YOUR Red Flags.

Here's our Top 30 Red Flags of Dating (as told by Music City):

No reciprocation/only talks about himself/herself

Lack of chivalry

Downplaying of smoking or drugs

Talk about Exes too much

Excuses for everything: Being late. Not calling. Not texting back.

Lack of job/motivation to get a job

No/poor relationship with family 

No career plan

Lives with parents

Indecisiveness or lack of planning

Constant phone/social media attention

Too many stories about drinking

Too little/too much confidence

Unwillingness to learn new things

Unwillingness to explore new cultures

People who have no hobbies

Poor manners/Bad hygiene

Indirect/swaying answers

Hiding/exaggerating pertinent information

Temper explosions

Rude to servers/bartenders/waiters

His/her schedule > your schedule

Name dropping (hints of money)

Text only communication. No calling.

Eyes wander to check others out

Posting their entire lives on social media

Always wanting to go out and be seen/be a socialite

Only calling/texting during certain hours including late night

Unusually high number of opposite sex friends

Crazy cat lady

Now THAT is a great list. One time I got to a 5th date and realized she had yet to ask a single question about me. One month in, and she knew nothing about my job, my family, or my passions. And if I hadn't stopped the madness when I did, I would have ended up dating whoever Toby Keith was dating when he wrote the song I Wanna Talk About Me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

Thank you, Nashville, for your help.

The red flags are waving. Don't wave back. Find better colors for yourself.

~Coach Jake


P.S. Ask how MaximalMe.com Life Coaching can enhance your dating filters so you can date more effectively.

Mastering the Job you Hate

"OH, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY. They meet at the bar." ~George Carlin

Stop me if you've heard this one! You're sitting at your work desk. You're easily distracted by...well, everything. You're bitter. You can't remember the last time you were productive. But if you really stop to think about it, you can't even pinpoint why you're in a 'work-rut'. So you end up blaming everything: Your supervisor is terrible. Deadlines are too quick. The company doesn't listen to me or value its employees. The work environment, in your opinion, is not conducive to...well, anything.

And that's your professional life as you know it. A downward spiral to misery.

The good news is: You're not alone. (Which really only means anything if you believe in strength and support in numbers.) The more good news is that YOU can do better...and it doesn't even have to mean finding a new job. You can simply do better at the job you have.

First, let's talk about your focus. Along, perhaps, with your concern and influence. Oh, God, you're thinking....he's going to beat me with a Covey stick. Not at all...I promise- but I do want you to conduct an evaluation as to why your positive energy evaporates on a daily basis. You just might be surprised.

I talk to job-disgruntled people every single day, and I always receive the most surprised looks when I ask them one simple question: Are you wasting time worrying about things you can't control? And the alarming answer is almost always 'yes'. We remain so irritated at situations out of our control that the excuses halt productivity. We surf the Internet. We endlessly scroll Facebook. We shop online. And even worse...we justify it all.

It's the quickest formula to not getting a promotion or raise you've ever seen...and for you...it all stops NOW. I have 2 tasks (plus a bonus) for you, so let's begin by examining Figure 1:

The BIG circle shown below is your Circle of Concern. This boundary contains everything that gets you stirred up...everything you care about...and everything that ignites emotion. Take a second to let that soak in.

Figure 1: Circle of Concern vs Influence

The SMALLER circle is your Circle of Influence. Items in here include everything your actions and attitudes can impact. You control and influence everything in this circle. You have the power.

Figure 2 below shows just how out-of-control our Circle of Concern might become. We become possessed by too many external factors. A more basic example for the concepts can be seen with the comparisons of parenting an infant versus the parenting a 16 year-old. Your concerns for the teenager might be bigger or more plentiful, but your influence might be smaller. Whereas with the infant, you have an incredible amount of influence, yet your concerns would be more focused on current well-being of the baby.

Exercise: Draw the circles for yourself to get a snapshot of your personal or career environments. Are you wasting time on things out of your control? Is it time to redirect your efforts?

Figure 2: What's in your Circle of Concern?

Bottom line: Proactive people focus their efforts in areas they can affect and make changes. It allows their Circle of Influence to grow through experience and knowledge. With their motivation channeled on items they can control and their Circle of influence growing, 'The Gap' (see Figure 1) will shrink with every micro-achievement. Plus, spending less time and energy worrying about areas they can't control is a huge time management boost. It's a win-win.

The 2nd thing you can do to help your cause is pretty easy. Simply remember that negative energy in the workplace is contagious. If you want to be known as motivated, innovative, or positive, then all your actions must reflect it.

Are you feeling really motivated? Then harness your innovation and people skills to be a leader of change in your office. If the office environment is affecting attitudes...then why not implement measures that boost productivity? That's how leaders make their mark.

It may very well be time for a new job. There's nothing wrong with that. We'll polish up your resume`, knock the lint off your dress clothes, and sharpen up your interview skills. These days finding a new job is a small war, and you need to be ready to battle. But in the meantime, promise me you'll only fight the battles at your current job that are worth fighting. Put your energy and strength in places that deserve it.

~Coach Jake

P.S. Ask me how MaximalMe.com can help your business or organization enhance its working environment with my 2-hour "4 C's" program for Inner-Office Communication.

Email jake@MaximalMe.com for more Influence vs. Concern exercises.

Life's Artificially Flavored Numbers

"A good decision is based on knowledge and not numbers." ~Plato

I can't explain why I chose age 27. That age and number have zero significance to me. All I know is that when I got to college, that's the age I chose for when I was going to get married. Perhaps that was an 18 year-old's projection for when life says, "Halt! You've had enough fun spending your own money. Time to let someone else spend it." Maybe my brain calculated ages that would be too old to have toddlers or teenagers in the house. Maybe I was just young and dumb.

The biggest problem, however, was that '27' stuck with me, engraved in my brain, for a long, long, time...and then from age 27 to 33, I had a heightened sense of anxiety that I was behind. Behind in life. Like I had missed the bus. As if joining AARP the same year I said my vows was a terrible thing. Maybe I was just young and dumb.

Next let me introduce you to Miles. I met Miles my freshman year of college (just a coincidence to the previous story), and I only remember Miles for 1 reason: The second he learned that the average engineering salary was $55,000...well, $55,000 became the weirdest obsession I've ever seen. You couldn't have a conversation about classes or future without Miles bringing it up. That number became his mission. A number. A large dollar number. I lost touch with Miles after our junior year, but his fixation always made me wonder about his career path and first salary.

Fast-Forward to 2 weeks ago, when a friend of mine (female, age 37) declared that if she had not had children by age 39, then she would simply not being having children. Ever. It made me genuinely sad- if for no other reason, than my strong belief that she'd be a fabulous mother. A motherhood that may never happen, possibly because of another number. This time the number was 39.

What if I told you...That I could give you tons of parental success stories after age 40?  that salary medians don't often compare apples to apples? that your marriage longevity will correlate better with your patience, rather than a timeline? that your neighbor's wealth doesn't have anything to do with your happiness? that you have enough pressures in your life so you don't need fake ones?

But I get it. You have all those numbers stuck in your head. Constantly comparing and measuring yourself as if every milestone in your life is your next battle of Keeping Up with the Joneses.  Stupid numbers.

Let's all take a deep breath and focus on one number that peeks at you every now and then. An age. A wage. A GPA. A date.  What does that number really mean? Does life end if we happened to come up just little bit short? After our recent bold stand against the Mayan calendar, that would be almost tragic if a nonsense benchmark got the best of us.

It's human nature to make comparisons and set benchmarks for ourselves. And some of those goals are absolutely worth achieving, or at least worth striving for. Let's just not beat ourselves up over the artificial ones. I wasn't married at 27. And my first job was less than the Engineering median. I let both of those affect my judgement and the way I saw my life. Yet, here I sit, with a normal pulse and blood pressure. Alive and well. I survived. I survived, because, in the end, those numbers meant absolutely nothing. If anything, I'm mad at myself for the time I lost dwelling.

So take your numbers, and simply lighten your grip on them. They'll still be there, and you can always come back and make your comparisons...maybe even nudge them a little. Just don't let them be your main focus. Put more energy into making today a better day and giving it everything you have. If you start focusing on the now and the things you have influence over, you'll soon begin to see that the ages, the dollar amounts, and the other artificial numbers, don't mean much of anything.

Now go make today great.


~Coach Jake

P.S. www.MaximalMe.com Life Coaching combines the powers of Time Management with both your short-term and long-term goals to create a plan that works perfectly into your schedule.